This, however, was not always my relationship with food.
In my senior year of college, overwhelmed by school, failed relationships and a very low self esteem that had been there since childhood, I developed an eating disorder. I suffered with Bulimia for many years. I remember going to speak to a doctor at a treatment center with my Dad. She told me that if I continued down the road I was going, I would die. You would think that hearing those words I would "snap out of it." Unfortunately, recovering from an eating disorder is not that easy. I continued to suffer for years. I met my husband during some of the most difficult years of my life. When I opened up to him about my illness, he did not run nor did he show a face of disgust. He was understanding and listened to every word I said as I cried out all my secrets. For years I would take steps, leaps forward and then fall. One of my therapists drew me a diagram. She drew a straight line. This represented what we "think" recovery should look like. Then she put her pen on the paper and drew a line then the line became circles, swirling forward and backward, creating a blob of ink on the page. Finally, that line reached it's destination...that is what recovery looks like. It is not easy, I slipped, fell and got back up again MANY MANY MANY times. I finally looked at myself in the mirror and said, this is NOT the way I want to live the rest of my life. There is more out there than obsessing about every calorie, every imperfection on my body. I was more than this outer body. I am a soul, I am here for a reason, I have something to offer the world. That is when I began listening to that inner voice. She was hard to hear at first. The more I listened, the more I began to love myself and know that my soul, my spirit would not lead me in the wrong direction.
I am not a nutritionist. I am a woman who has been through the darkest days and found her way out with the help of healing foods, diving inward to discover who am I, the help of my soul mate Mark and unconditional love and kisses from my doghter KiKi. I want to share with you how amazing natural foods can be, the power that they hold and how delicious wholesome cooking can be! :)
We are all on a journey in life. I welcome you to be a part of this ride, share your stories with me, and I will share mine. This is a beautiful, crazy, magical world, and we are all in it together!
“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Never try to be another, and you will become mature. Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost. Risking all to be oneself, that's what maturity is all about.”
― Osho
― Osho
This is KiKi, my doghter, my best friend, and trusty kitchen companion, who has been keeping the kitchen floor crumb free since 2006 :)
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